PROOF THAT VOTING FOR COUNT BINFACE WORKS!

190 VOTES!

FROM THE HUMANS OF UXBRIDGE (AND SOUTH RUISLIP)

In a field of 18 candidates I came 8th. Count Binface’s highest finish yet! And for the second time in three years, I beat UKIP and Piers Corbyn in a democratic election. If that’s not a sign of hope, nothing is.

Why did I fight for Uxbridge (and South Ruislip)? Because:

In 2019 I made a promise to the people of Uxbridge (& South Ruislip) to serve as their MP for the length of the next parliament. Unlike ANY other party, I have kept my word. I’m the only surviving candidate from the last election. Inspired by gold-plated humanoid Elton John, I’m still standing. What Earth needs is stability. I’m the continuity candidate.
My predecessor Boris Johnson’s behaviour as MP and Prime Minister was a disgrace, and it’s time his inglorious period in office was put in the bin.
Since the last election, the Tories have mishandled a pandemic, pushed the NHS beyond breaking point, filled the seas and rivers with shit, crashed the entire British economy and been outperformed by a lettuce.
I’m prepared to call out Brexit for what it is. (Clue: it begins with S.)
Inflation on croissants (and other products) needs fixing immediately.
The behaviour of many MPs has been atrocious, including but not limited to: bullying, corporate lobbying, cronyism, drug use, sexual assault, failing to disclose tax affairs, trying to claim a speeding fine on expenses, security breaches, watching porn in the Palace of Westminster and blaming it on tractors, appalling appointments to the House of Lords (which I will abolish), going on I’m A Celebrity instead of doing their job, massive incompetence, and - oh yes - serial lying. IT’S TIME TO TAKE OUT THE TRASH.
They’ve made a mockery of politics. Now it’s our turn.
I have the best manifesto in the business: bringing back Ceefax, renaming London Bridge after Phoebe Waller, giving royal palaces to the homeless, tying ministers’ pay to that of nurses for the next 100 years, and much more.
There will be a general election within 18 months. So vote ‘properly’ next time. This is a FREE HIT. Show the world what you really think.
Democracy is under threat. Anyone should be able to stand for election. This needs to be defended and celebrated more than ever.
I WILL move the hand dryer in the gents’ urinals at the Crown & Treaty, Uxbridge to a more sensible position.
Join me and together let’s make Uxbridge (& South Ruislip) Count!
Or Don’t.

190 VOTES!

FROM THE HUMANS OF UXBRIDGE (AND SOUTH RUISLIP)

In a field of 18 candidates I came 8th. Count Binface’s highest finish yet! And for the second time in three years, I beat UKIP and Piers Corbyn in a democratic election. If that’s not a sign of hope, nothing is.

Why did I fight for Uxbridge (and South Ruislip)? Because:

My predecessor Boris Johnson’s behaviour as MP and Prime Minister was a disgrace, and it’s time his inglorious period in office was put in the bin.

Since the last election, the Tories have mishandled a pandemic, pushed the NHS beyond breaking point, filled the seas and rivers with shit, crashed the entire British economy and been outperformed by a lettuce.

I’m prepared to call out Brexit for what it is. (Clue: it begins with S.)

Inflation on croissants (and other products) needs fixing immediately.

They’ve made a mockery of politics. Now it’s our turn.

I have the best manifesto in the business: bringing back Ceefax, renaming London Bridge after Phoebe Waller, giving royal palaces to the homeless, tying ministers’ pay to that of nurses for the next 100 years, and much more.

There will be a general election within 18 months. So vote ‘properly’ next time. This is a FREE HIT. Show the world what you really think.

Democracy is under threat. Anyone should be able to stand for election. This needs to be defended and celebrated more than ever.

I WILL move the hand dryer in the gents’ urinals at the Crown & Treaty, Uxbridge to a more sensible position.

Join me and together let’s make Uxbridge (& South Ruislip) Count!

Or Don’t.